
You can find this remarkable recipe in the pages of Susan Jeffers' insightful new book, "The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love."
“Real love is really about the simple ordinary joy of being together. It isn’t this enchanted love that we see in the tabloids which some of us feel in the beginning but that always wears off. Real love, to me, are those simple gorgeous ordinary moments when my husband and I go out to dinner and make a simple toast that says thank you, thank you for being in my life. To me, this is heaven on earth. But you have to learn the tools to bring that love into being otherwise it will just break up,” says Jeffers.
Those influential tools are the true ingredients behind lasting love and are what keep the readers locked in the pages of this inspirational book.
Susan is no stranger to larger-than-life drama when it comes to love. Although she’s spent years researching and listening to others share their jubilant and tragic relationship stories, she maintains that her real expertise on the subject comes from her own experiences.
“I have been through a lot of personal experiences relative to love over the years. I had a marriage that ended after 16 years then 12 years of dating in-between and now I am in this fantastic relationship for 20 years with my husband. I have really learned the lessons of love.
"I look around and I see so many people agonizing over why love is so hard and I want to show people how to make it a joyous experience in their lives rather than a really ugly upsetting one.”
Most of us would be willing to go to great lengths in the name of love. We’d climb the highest mountains, swim in the dangerous vast seas and even walk for miles in the driest desert to show our partners how much we love them, but when it comes to turning around and saying a few of the simple words that really count, the task seems downright impossible.
“It’s all a matter of taking in the beauty that’s there. 'I love you' and 'thank you' are words that are very often missing in a relationship that’s going down hill and the more we repeat these things, the more we validate our mate and show how much we love him or her. When we have that kind of energy going out, we are going to get that energy right back.” We often search far and wide to find answers on what’s missing in our relationships, when the answer is usually staring at us straight in the face. In her book, Susan explains the significance of two of the most important tools in love, the mirror and the magnifying glass.
“The mirror is total power. It’s not about self blame it’s about power and love. Every time I feel the least bit upset, I pick up the mirror and say what’s going on with me. Every time we get angry or resentful, that’s the magnifying glass, instead if we can pick up the mirror and say why do I react this way to what he or she is doing then we have power over what is happening.”
How would you feel if your partner was forced by contract to buy you flowers or say something nice to you? Chances are, it wouldn’t have the same effect as if he or she did it all on his or her own free will. Many times we associate love with need. In reality, neediness is the polar opposite of romance.